Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
