my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
