Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
