I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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