I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
