I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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