youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
