got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
