dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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