Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
