he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
