so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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