Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
