you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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