you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you will always have a special place in my vag
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
