i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
