so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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