woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
