the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
