paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
