no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
