you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
