I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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