We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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