He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
