I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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