so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
