I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
