highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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