Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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