upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
