...so i touched it.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
