he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
