i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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