4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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