I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
