im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
