ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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