Having a random hookup so left but love u
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
