I want to stick my p in your. b.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
