OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
