how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
