I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
