Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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