you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
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