i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
