I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
