your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
