i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
one might say we're banned from that church
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
