I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
